Poetic Musings
by ShadowElfBard
Summary: Some poetic musings from the characters of the Pretender.
1. Tears Held Back

Disclaimer: Don't own it, and never will.

Rating: None of these will be a above a PG

Feedback: desired above all else.                                                      

***********************************_ShadowElfBard_***************************************

**Tears Held Back ~~~Ms. Parker**

I am a hunter, and nothing more

I forever stalk the streets, the fields, the halls

I am feral, wild, and above all else, dangerous.

But I am still human

And I still feel pain

And should I chose to, I can still cry

But I won't. 

Not now, not ever

For crying is for the weak and the helpless

And I am neither.

Survival is what it all comes down to in the end

There is no good, and there is no evil

Not in this world, not in this age

And those that let idealism and sentiment cloud their judgment

Will be found the next day, cold and dead.

Existing, ongoing, surviving,

I have learned to do it well.

But most of all, I have learned to hide

To hide my strengths and my weaknesses,

My feelings and emotions,

And I have learned to hold back

To hold back every tear that could have fallen

Every sob of pain and sorrow

Every cry of longing and need

Because I am a Parker, and I need to survive,

I will hold back my tears, till the day I die

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Yeah, not too pleasant, but hey, its how ms. Parker feels isn't it? Now, about that feedback… =)


	2. Children I Can Never Have

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

Feedback: Yes please!

!!!Author's note!!!: **_I've realized that these are more poetic musings than actual poems. Please excuse my word choice in the summary. I will attempt to fix that later._**

**************************************_ShadowElfBard_************************************

**Children I Can Never Have **~~~**Sydney**

I've raised children before

Though they have never truly been my own

Jarod, the prodigal son who I was forced to turn away from

Ms. Parker, the lonely little girl who I couldn't shield

Angelo, the tortured child whom I still can't understand

And Nicholas, my own flesh and blood who I must watch from the sidelines

So many mistakes, so many failures

They needed me so much

They longed for security that I couldn't provide

And they were forced to move on

To learn to live without the comfort

Or the safety they required from me

As Ms. Parker so bitterly puts it, 'they survived'

Yes, survival is the main point isn't it?

Jarod survived 

And now runs nonstop

Afraid to stay in one place too long

Or to love someone, 

In fear that they will be hurt because of it

Ms. Parker survived

And is now a cold and unreachable woman

A beauty that tries to numb her pain 

In bottles of wine, and countless beds

Angelo survived

In the way that only Angelo can,

And now travels forever in the darkness of vents

Watching, listening, never really participating

Feeling everyone else's emotions, but not truly able to understand his own

And Nicholas Survived

Raised by another man, a stranger

Forced to believe a lie

He'll never truly know me, nor I him

But perhaps it's better this way for all of them

For I don't deserve their love, nor their kindness

I, who had forsaken them,

I, who had deserted them,

I, who distanced to protect,

Knowing the pain it would cause

I, who now must go through every day and week,

Watching children I can never have.

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Feedback? Pretty please with sugar on top? What if I added in a cherry?


	3. Blending In

Disclaimer: no copyright infringement is intended. And if you sue me, just be aware that I've watched lawyers on TV. I'll sic Ally Mcbeal on you!

Feedback: Please!!!!!!!!

************************************_ShadowElfBard_**************************************

**Blending In~~~ Broots**

Camouflage is a protection that I know well.

Becoming invisible to others,

Blending into the background.

I am a master at the technique

I've perfected the craft

But only because I have to.

I never wanted to do this,

To hide,

To evade,

To keep my head low 

And my eyes averted.

But we seldom get what we want

And though I hate it,

It allows me to survive.

Survival is all that matters in the Centre.

So if I must accomplish it 

By staying low,

And keeping silent,

Then I will.

If not for my sake, then for my daughter's 

Who has no idea what I do,

Or what my job truly is.

Who doesn't know that every day,

Could be my last if I'm not careful.

And I'll keep it that way,

I'll keep her in the dark,

To keep her safe

From those who'd do her harm

Just to make me work.

But I can't help but feel 

Angry, 

Resentful,

And yes, even bitter

At the fact that I must stoop so low

That I must act the part

Of the fool,

The idiot, 

The naïve and harmless lackey

Who is no more than a means

For others to get information

So that they may better **_their_** lives

And **_their_** positions. 

If I truly wanted to, 

I could rip this place apart.

Byte, by byte, I could destroy them

Annihilate, and demolish them

So completely and utterly

That the Centre would be just a bad memory,

A forgotten nightmare.

I've considered it, 

I've come so close, 

I've hovered my finger over the mouse, 

Knowing that all it would take was a single click

To wipe all information,

The very heart of the Centre,

Away.

Forever.

But then I remember my daughter,

And her kind and caring smile,

Wonderfully oblivious  

Of where I go every morning.

And I draw my hand away.

Yes, I could destroy this place,

And I loathe every minute

That I must play the dupe, 

Every second that I must spend hiding,

Just to survive. 

But for my daughter,

My sweet, and unaware daughter,

I'll remain harmless and ignored. 

And for her, and only her,

I'll blend into the background.

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FEED ME, SEYMORE. (And, for those of you who don't get the reference) Please give me some feedback!


	4. Games, Running, and Borrowed Time

Disclaimer: Not mine, yadda yadda, blah blah, whatever.

Feedback: Hell yeah!

**!!!Author's note!!!:** In case you haven't already figured it out, survival was the theme of these musings. Yes, this is the last one. Sorry. ;(

**********************************_ShadowElfBard_****************************************

**Games, Running, and Borrowed Time~~~Jarod**

I know that what I have won't last forever

Of that I have no illusions

It's purely mathematical really,

If I keep playing this game, 

If I keep leaving these clues,

And keep taunting those who chase me,

It will end.

Suddenly,

Abruptly,

With a black bag over my head,

And cold metal cuffs on my wrists.

For if you provoke a tiger, 

Even one behind metal bars,

It will still lunge and attack

When you let your guard down.

But even with harsh reality staring me in the face,

I find that I can't stop,

I can't simply say good-bye,

Hang up,

And disappear.

I know no other life,

All I've done and know how to do, 

Is run.

Running is my survival.

My only tool.

Gingerbread man that I am, 

I know only how to lift up my legs,

One after the other,

Faster and faster,

With my chest rising,

Falling,

Rising,

And falling.

Heartbeat, furiously pounding upon its cage of bone

Sweat running down my forehead, blinding my sight

And lungs, threatening to burst, each breath more labored and heavy than the last.

Yes, that is my survival,

Living the life of a prey animal.

Running, always running, from the hunters

Never able to slow down, or rest, because if I do,

I'll be caught.

But I still know it's inevitable,

I still know that my own weaknesses,

And my own foolish need,

To play games with the tiger,

Will turn on me.

I've been told, that it's called living on borrowed time.

Borrowed time, yes, I suppose that would fit me perfectly.

A rat in a maze, going one way, then the other, looking for an escape, 

Never realizing that there is no way out,

And that they're just prolonging the end.

But, somehow, I am not saddened by the thought at all.

After all, borrowed time, grim idea that it is,

Is all around us.

We breathe it in every second of every day.

It's nothing to fear.

For what is life itself, if not borrowed time?

So yes, I may be a fool.

But if this, this life I'm leading, 

Helping others,

Saving those in need,

And earning repentance for my sins,

If this is it, then I must say,

That playing games,

Running in circles, 

And living on borrowed time,

Is not all that bad after all. 

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   Yay! Finally something that ends on a slightly cheery note! By the way, thanks to all of you who wrote feedback for this stuff! (But don't think that let's you off of the hook if you don't write responses to this one)  =) Oh, and please check out my other fics and be on the lookout because I'm working on two new fictions at the moment that I hope will get posted within the next week. See ya!


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